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| Date Listed | 07/11/2009
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| Address | Padstow NSW, Australia
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Okay, here goes...I'll try and explain things as clear as I can. This is from my point of view.
I need some advice about some issues I am currently facing. Something about myself - I am a guy, and I am gay. I am 20, turning 21 this year and I've been in a relationship with a guy I love a lot for the past 3 years. Ever since he moved into a friends house to mind it for a couple of months, he has changed a lot, from a caring man that I can talk to about anything to a person where everytime I wanted to talk about us, he goes "yeah yeah yeah, whinge whinge whinge". In the last couple of months as well, while he was house-minding, he has been surrounded by his "friends" from Uni, who in my opinion, not that it matters, are complete arseholes. Also ,he's been turning to alcohol frequently when he's upset. He never used to drink like that. Since Now after he finished his year at Uni, he has nothing to do and has to leave the house that he's currently minding soon, and won't have anywhere to go and he doesn't have a job ( so no money) . His so called "friends" are also not really in contact with him anymore.( I think the reason they all were "friends" with him before was because he was minding a house that was literally a stone throw away from Uni, which they usually crash over). Usually while I am over at his house-minding place, his friends would also be there. He usually acts as though I am not there when the friends are around, and I feel rejected and I also feel like as though he's ashamed of me in front of his friends. Also, his friends think that I am weird as I hardly talk because all they talk about is academic stuff, which I am not too familiar with. I also got the hint that they don't really want to talk to me as I am not part of the "uni" group, therefore I am dumb and its a waste of an effort to converse with me about anything.
Anyway, to make a very very long story short, he told me that he decided not to be with me anymore in August. I literally fell apart for the next few weeks and finally had enough and took time off work and went to New Zealand for a emotion detox. while in NZ, I was able to get my head cleared and think straight. So anyway, since I came back, we're still in contact. I am emotionally fine, but sometimes I feel lonely and it brings up the happy times that we've been together. I still have feelings for him. More than I would like to admit. and everytime we contact, especially when he feels upset, it really gets to me, that I want to comfort him. ................ I don't know... I am now rather confused as well. His emotions seems so unpredictable. One day he can be all sweet and nice and the next, cold hearted " I don't care" attitude. I don't know what has happend to him in the last couple of months. He has changed so much. I feel like he's been absorbed into his arsehole friends atitude group. Sometimes I wonder to myself, why should I bloody care anymore? the more I care, the more I would get hurt. I've been treated like trash and hurt emotionally like hell just because his "friends" finds me weird and even told him they're not comfortable with me being around!!!! I feel betrayed that he listens to his stupid friends advice instead of his own, and he choose to get rid of me just so his friends can get comfortable, that's what I think anyway, for all I know, it might have not been the case. I don't even know what to think or feel now. I've read relationship posts everywhere and everywhere seems to tell me I should not keep in contact with him, and to throw him out of my life. I don't know if I can ever do that as I still love him very much..... I don't know whether he still has feelings for me. Sometimes I lay in bed ( not upset or anything ), going over and over, through every single detail in the last couple of months, what went wrong....
The worst thing out of all this is that I don't have friends ( literally!) to fall back to, to talk to, to hang out with. I had to hold myself together and not let me fall apart. Thankfully I have a job, so most of the time I'm occupied.
I am not as emotionally wrecked as I was 2 months ago, but I still get the sting, and when it comes, it hits hard, and hurts. Its just... I feel lonely and abandoned.
This feeling is driving me mental, sometimes I don't give in, but other times it stabs me right through the heart!, hence why I am asking all you people out there for some advice. I know I type too long, I am just tying whatever that's coming through in my head.
Thanks in advance for anyone out there who's willing to offer some advice. :)
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